Life

Maybe it’s the weather?

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Currently there are so many things going on in my head but I can’t seem to form them into pretty little sentences. Maybe because the thoughts itself aren’t so pretty. Now, my head hurts again. Maybe it’ll help if I write down all my current feelings? Sad, confused, guilty, tired, still majorly confused, lonely, alone (are those 2 different things?), lost and insecure. Ang bigat at ang nega ng umaga ko.

What irritates me the most right now though is that I really don’t understand where this is all coming from. Well, maybe I do and I’m just in denial. :l (my actual face when I wrote that down). One good thing that will come out of this is that I’m being honest, which is definitely something that’s hard to come by these days. I know most people will come here expecting to read a heart warming post about discovering myself, acceptance and moving on, but how about those who simply aren’t capable of doing this?

So.. Yeah, to be completely honest: I AM STUCK. Most of you will think that I have it good, which is true, I actually do. I have so much to be grateful for and there are more important things happening in the world today so sometimes I think my feelings aren’t important.

Valid but unimportant.

I’ve tried so many things to get out of this slump. From putting on a fake smile, downing my problems with alcohol, talking about it candidly with family and friends, working out, meditating and for the first time in forever, turning to God.

Yoga has definitely been good. Not great, but helpful. It at the least distracts me from life for a good solid hour. Talking about it makes it all seem so official, so then I start to freak out and my feelings are then heightened. Going to church and praying was difficult for me, I just couldn’t relate and felt guilty because it dawned on me that I only turn to God when I’m problematic but never when I have something to be thankful for.

So what exactly is my problem? I don’t know, I’ve been trying to figure it out but I can’t. Trying.. that’s what I’ve been doing. Self acceptance might help me, but what if I don’t know what it is exactly I have to accept about myself. Maybe its a phase. Maybe I’m bored? Maybe it’s an underlying problem?

All I know is, I feel stuck and the harder I try to get out of this hole the deeper it seems to be getting.

OA ko ba? Whatever, this is how I feel, maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today or maybe it’s just the weather?

Always,

Lauren

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Lauren Young

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7 Comments

  1. SJ

    We have days like that Lauren. That is okay kasi you accepted that feeling when most of us don’t. I’m not sure if that’s PMS-ung kasi even guys have days like that. Sad, lonely and you can’t do anything about that. Keri lang maging sad and lonely minsan besh! Hugs! 💙

    20 . 10 . 2017
    • Lauren Young

      Thank you! I don’t think it’s PMS though hahaha! But yes, theres nothing wrong with having feelings like these, it’s part of life. Just decided to show another side of me which isn’t as picture perfect like everyone thinks. Thank you for the love <3

      20 . 10 . 2017
  2. IR

    Hi Lauren! I’ve been in that same situation myself and I think I feel you. Don’t be guilty that you’re only turning to God when you have problems kasi actually mas gusto yun ni God na siya tinatakbuhan mo instead of other things. Just keep praying and trust his words. Hugs 🤗

    20 . 10 . 2017
    • Lauren Young

      Hello! I guess it was one of those in the moment feelings lang. But, I’m actually finding peace with going to mass now or just going to church to simply pray. Thank you for the love <3

      20 . 10 . 2017
  3. Lecho Store9

    Hi Ms Lauren,

    You are loved and you have everything I bet… I am in the situation as you are stuck. I am stuck of my life for almost 17 years already. That years I’ve learned, loved, lost and all still I am stuck. I am finding myself and I want to start my life in somewhere else as soon as I got a positive reply.

    Everything you feel now. And everything I feel bad or experience bad things going on in my life. I, really and there’s no one to turn to even with family, friends. Only GOD you can fully surrender. Trust GOD. Everything will be OK as I am me here, I am keep hoping for good.

    Wishing you well.

    20 . 10 . 2017
  4. Milly

    I can definitely relate to what you’re feeling. I think it is just a stage that we all go through, especially as adults where there is no guidebook/rulebook of do’s and dont’s. Just a bunch of paradoxical advice that work and don’t. The greatest problem though is direction, not in the sense that we don’t know exactly what we’re doing (which is a factor, but not wholly) but that we’re so impatient for the road to unravel for us. What I mean is that you’ll only know where you’ll be or where you’d have gone, at the end of the road where you’ve finished the trail and are now looking back.

    But at the start, you will always be hesitant and confused, lost and wandering. It sucks to be in that position, especially when we do our peer-check or comparison with our peers to see if we’re doing the right thing. Peer-checks are fine as sometimes it helps us with anchoring ourselves, but it can also consume us because we lose confidence in our own path, whatever that is. Long story short, I think you only need of an idea, no matter how small, of where you’re going for you to go anywhere. And that paths will always unravel itself, you just have to be patient. In the meantime, discover more of you. Do more things, more activities. Write. Breathe. Swim. Journal. Embrace solitude.

    Anyway, that’s it. Just thought I’d write something down because I think it might help you. I hope it doesn’t sound patronising! That would not be my intention, but as a fellow millennial also in a state of confusion, and extreme ups and downs about life. Also, may I recommend reading some self-development books? I find that they always motivate me to have confidence in my path and to be patient for things to come.

    Have faith in your journey and keep being you! 🙂

    29 . 10 . 2017
  5. SP

    Hi Lauren. Thank you for your thoughts. I could really feel the honesty in there. Been there in your situation five years ago. Talk to God. Study His words. He will listen. Cry if you must. I’ll pray for you 🙂

    04 . 11 . 2017

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